Neasden F.C. - encyclopedia article about Neasden F.C..

Neasden F.C. are a spoof football team, the subject of a long-running joke in the British satirical magazine, Private Eye. They were invented by Barry Fantoni to satirize the clichés and hyperbole of football journalism and were once a regular item in the magazine, but now appear only at times of significant public interest in footballing matters.

Neasden's long-running series of defeats, in which they typically fail to score while conceding goals in double figures, have led to many crises for their manager, the "ashen-faced" Ron Knee aged 59, who has often been assaulted by the team's only supporters, the husband-and-wife Sid and Doris Bonkers. Perhaps their most famous player is the one-legged goalie, Wally Foot. Their leading scorer was Baldy Pevsner notorious for scoring own goals. The side are sometimes helped by goals scored by the referee Sid Himmler. The club owned by Brigadier Buffy Cohen, the local dry cleaning magnate.

Many of the reports of their activities are written by E.I. Addio (a reference to football chanting), who is referred to "our man in the stand", "our man in the shower" or a similar description.

The club are based at the Neasden Bridge Stadium, in Neasden, London, and their slogan is "We're on the way to Wembley...You have to go through Neasden to get there". Neasden's arch-rivals in the North Circular Relegation League are Dollis Hill.

Outside of Private Eye the club's name is frequently invoked as a metaphor for amateur or English endeavour as in Coverage of Wikipedia in the popular press veers between two extremes. It’s either the admirable heroics of plucky amateurs - it’s Neasden FC winning the FA Cup - or it’s the latest net threat to civilization. [1]

Neasden is also sometimes home to a fictional university, the University of Neasden. Formerly the IKEA North Circular Polytechnic, the University of Neasden is reported to specialize in "modern" academic fields, such as Diana Studies, Creative Writing, and Flower Arranging. Its proximity to the North Circular makes the University of Neasden a convenient location for students wishing to attend Neasden F.C. home games.

External links

Private Eye magazine

Association football, commonly known as football or soccer, is a team sport played between two teams of 11 players. It is the most popular sport in the world.
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Motto
"Dieu et mon droit" ^[2] (French)
"God and my right"
Anthem
"God Save the Queen" ^[3]
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Satire (from Latin satura, not from the Greek mythological figure satyr^[1]) is a literary genre, chiefly literary and dramatic, in which human or individual vices, follies, abuses, or shortcomings are held up to censure by means of ridicule, derision,
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Topics in journalism
Professional issues
Ethics & objectivity
Sources & attribution
News & news values
Reporting & writing
Fourth estate • Libel law
Education & books
Other topics

Fields
Advocacy journalism
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Barry Ernest Fantoni (born 28 February 1940) is a British writer, comic strip cartoonist and jazz musician of Italian descent, most famous for his work with the magazine Private Eye, for whom he also created Neasden F.C.
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A cliché (from French, klɪ'ʃe) is a phrase, expression, or idea that has been overused to the point of losing its intended force or novelty, especially when at some time it was considered distinctively forceful
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This article or section may contain original research or unverified claims.

Please help Wikipedia by adding references. See the for details.
This article has been tagged since September 2007.

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An own goal occurs in football (soccer) and other goal-scoring games when a player scores a goal that is registered against his or her own team. It is usually accidental, and may be a result of an attempt at defensive play that failed or was spoiled by opponents.
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For , see .

A referee is a person who has authority to make decisions about play in many sports. Officials in some sports are known by a variety of other titles, including umpire, judge or linesman.
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Neasden

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London
Canary Wharf is the centre of London's modern office towers
London shown within England
Coordinates:
Sovereign state United Kingdom
Constituent country England
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Wembley Stadium is a football stadium in Wembley, located in the London Borough of Brent in London, England. With 90,000 seats the stadium has the second largest capacity in Europe (after the Camp Nou), and the largest in the world with every seat under cover<ref
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A406 or the North Circular Road is a trunk-road linking west and east London via north London. It, together with the South Circular Road, forms a ring road through the inner part of Outer London.
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Dollis Hill

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list of schools and universities which are entirely fictional, even though some of them are modeled after real world institutions.

Relying on a fictional setting allows the authors to exaggerate certain aspects of school life for humorous or dramatic effect.
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Neasden

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Diana, Princess of Wales (Diana Frances;^[2] née Spencer; 1 July 1961 – 31 August 1997) was the first wife of Charles, Prince of Wales. Her two sons, Princes William and Harry, are second and third in line to the thrones of the United Kingdom and 15 other
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Creative writing can technically be considered any writing of original composition that is in no way guilty of plagiarism. Creative writing is more commonly considered to be non-scholarly writing, writing created for purposes other than making an academic argument.
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Floristry, flower arranging, floral arrangement, floral design or floral arts is the art of creating flower arrangements in vases, bowls and baskets, or making bouquets and compositions from cut flowers, foliage, herbs, ornamental grasses and other
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